Man is a " rational " animal!!???

I realize at times the changes that have taken over me...my own growing insensitivity towards things and events which i once felt very strongly about, the so called much hyped adult rationality that has taken over me ;

Kamala Das once wrote about in some poem of hers which i had read but now forget abt this "adult rationality"...at that time...these were just words for me, something that my English teacher took a lot of pains to explain, giving examples from her own life...she did put in a lot of effort but somehow, none of us quite understood what it really meant, coz we didnt "feel" it ourselves...but today when i turn over the news clipping that shows abject poverty and helplessness, when i see and often overlook begging children on the road and when i walk past a limping animal...wincing just once in my mind maybe, but rationlizing that i couldnt possibly change the world... i realize that i too have been bitten by the bug of rationality.

Yes at these times when i get naked evidence of my hardening heart, the child in me in unable to forgive the adult i now am...

when tears get the better of me!!

Tears get the better of me. Each time! They arrive suddenly, without a warning like a sudden flash of rain in the month of April...completely unannounced!! Oh gawd .."NOW!!"..."of all times im getting senti".. "what abt my presentation....!!" "damn this is a meeting !!", "Good Lord im in office... ! " travelling in the bus, i can pretend its dust, you know, and start rubbing my eyes with an inocuous expression on my face...but at home with my parents, amongst friends, among colleagues when there is absolutely no situation or need for tears...why do they suddenly make their presence so devillishly felt!

What triggers it...oh a thousand things... the memory of an old friend, a lost friend, a lost time, an old time,a known smell, a fragrance of yesteryear, a gulli i once visited, the smell of pujas, the colour of the sky, the feeling of security, the warmth of togetherness, the spirited madness of the teenage years...college days, university life, hostel daze, exam nites, niteouts, first day at work, first house,first job... the list is endless

any damn thing causes it!! seek guidance in emotion management right away!

Can we ever be free? Freedom from one situation creates bondages in another- freedom from one search initiates the beginning of another. Freedom from relationships, may not even be considered as freedom, yet why do we crave for our own space...or is it just me?